Mixed feelings

We’re only 5 days away from the first day of school. Everyone I bump into mentions how fast the summer has gone, but isn’t that always the case? We start out in June wondering how we will fill the days ahead, and end up wishing for just a few more. Running around for school supplies, last minute shoe shopping, because I can’t believe how much their feet have grown in three months, the dreaded school physicals that I put off until the last minute, for their sakes and mine.

The last couple of weeks I feel as though I’ve let the kids become almost slug-like. In between the “Mommywaitedtilthelastminute” errands, there has been an awful lot of computer playing and video gaming and staying in pajamas until lunchtime. I think part of the reason is, let’s face it, I’m freakin’ tired. It’s dang hard filling all of these hours with purposeful, healthy, educational activity. It’s alot of hours, times three kids, times completely different abilities and interests, divided by one.tired.mama. The other part of it is, that I kinda feel like I wanna let them (us) chill for a bit, before the craziness of early school bus pick-ups and schedules and homework begins. The school year is hard for me but it’s hard for them, too. I have a girlie starting sixth grade, who somehow believes that this is going to be the hardest school year of her life. Things are changing in her world, big time, right about now. So although she doesn’t fear the school work, there is definitely some anxiety about, well, sixth grade girl stuff. My 8 year old is facing a new classroom, new teacher and aide, a classroom full of new kids and noises and smells and routines. It’s stressful for him. I feel like we have a good team set up for him this year, but a new school year for a kid with Autism is different than for a typical kid. And my youngest is starting Kindergarten. I don’t think I even need to talk about how this makes me feel.

So, happy and sad and anxious and exhausted. But grateful. We made it through the summer, still all liking each other (enough) and without catastrophe. And the next few days will be spent happily playing whatever we want to play, inside or outside, in pajamas or whatever we can find clean. So what?

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