The beginning of the year is always a time for resolutions. We speak of new beginnings, fresh starts, clean slates. Erase the old, welcome the new. I'm guilty of it myself. Every year, for too many years, I finished off December with the attitude that come January 1st, everything would be different. As if the clock striking midnight would trigger some magical change within me.
It never happened. Never.
Too much pressure, I think.
My change came on March 29th, 2008. The day I joined Weight Watchers. (for the 4th time, I think) I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know that it would stick, that I would make it more than 3 or 4 weeks. There was no magic. I just did it.
I tried to look back for some pictures of myself on New Year's Eve, from way back before I started Weight Watchers, but I couldn't find any. Makes total sense, I hated getting my picture taken. I mean, I love taking pictures but I couldn't stand to see myself in them. I still am not crazy about it. But I did find these pictures that were taken about a month after I started getting my stuff together.
It was my daughter's first Communion. I couldn't find anything to wear. I refused to go shopping for a dress. I tried to hide half my body behind her. I was happy, I guess. I don't remember how much I had lost by then, maybe 6 or 7 pounds. I still don't think I knew where I was gonna go, or how long it would last.
Fast forward, New Year's Day, 2011.
Okay, so you can't see all of me in this picture, but it's not on purpose. The point is, I want more pictures of me with my kids. I asked my husband to take this picture. I had no makeup on, I wasn't dressed up and my hair wasn't done. But it didn't matter. Because I feel good.
I didn't make any resolutions this year. I've been reading everyone's goals and plans and words. I tried to pick a word for myself. I couldn't do it. I'm tired of putting all of the pressure on myself. I know now that there isn't any magic word that is going to make things happen more easily. It's not a word or sentence that is going to help me focus. It's gonna happen when it happens. I spent alot of time this year complaining about how slowly the weight was coming off. I'm sure I wasn't 100% focused all of the time. But some still came off. I'm closer to my "goal" than I was this time last year. The truth is, the biggest part about getting the last 20 pounds off for me is that I will become a Lifetime member at Weight Watchers and won't have to pay every month. I could use that extra cash in my pocket. But otherwise I feel good about where I am and where I'm going. Nothing's changed. I'm still working on it. It'll happen when it happens. No magic necessary.
Happy New Year!