This is it

By this time tomorrow, God willing, I will be a mom of 3. Three children. Two boys and a girl. I am off tomorrow morning for a scheduled c-section. Everything is done, ready to go. I just can’t even imagine. I’m nervous, anxious, excited, scared, I know I won’t even be able to sleep tonight. But I should, right? I mean, It’s gonna be a while before I actually get more than 2-3 hours of sleep in a row. I’m gonna be in the hospital for about 4 days. Over Christmas. Without my kids. I don’t exactly know how I’m gonna feel. I’m a little bit sad. I’m gonna miss my kids like crazy. Dd has been through this before, though she really doesn’t remember. Ds has never really been away from me. I know he’s in good hands, but they’re not mine, you know. And there’s always this fear of the unknown. I am a faithful person, but sometimes, that little what if monster creeps in my head and I wanna smack myself to make it go away. I just want to go and have a healthy baby, heal up quickly and take care of my babies. All three of them. As much as I complain, it’s what I love the most. I’m their mom. I love them with every cell in my body, I need to be healthy and strong and here for them. So here’s to a smooth tomorrow and a quick recovery.


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